Tuesday 7 April 2015

Why is it,

An I'm not bein a proper feminist or nothin but why is it when ya ask a fella if you wanna go for a drink together, they automatically think you mean a date? No wonder everyone in London is so miserable, it's cos whenever they try an make friends they get the whole "I've got a boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. Get a grip! It's a drink, I'm not asking you to finger me on the Central Line. Bring your other half by all means an we can all be bezzies! A lot of men in the past have assumed I fancy them because I'm quite a vivacious character. But introduce me to the missus and I promise she will love me. And not in a weird threesome way either. I'm not interested in my own sex life so I probably won't care much for yours either. The only relationship I have is with Fake Taxi. And YouPorn. 

I think I've opened up a bit too much there, I'm digressing....

.....Sometimes it works the other way. They quite enjoy the fact they think it's a date and you don't fancy them back.  In this situation you have to just immediately friend zone them. You don't wanna sit on their face, but you don't mind havin them about. But the awkward part is actually letting them down without makin a show of them.Ya call them "lad" or "mate". Just so ya lettin them know where they stand without bein a nob about it. I remember goin on a 3rd mate date with someone an I turned up at his flat and he'd poured 2 glasses of white wine, dimly lit the room and had his best Zara top on. I was in a Libertines t shirt and leggings. I declined the wine and got one of me best mates to come pick me up. He text me when I got in saying "Nice to see you mate". The penny dropped quicker than a beaked up prinnys knickers at the back of The Fudge. 

So I guess making friends can be awkward at first but it's funny when you look back and laugh at them, while they stare miserably at Ibiza Weekender pretending to be fine about it. "Ay remember when you pure fancied me an I swerved ya?" I think you have to have fireworks with a person in The Ten Bells pretending to give a shit about their job in  Angel and their Spanish housemate who uses all the milk without replacing it. And how could we forget the fallen ones? Let's just have a moment to remember the ones who didn't even get friend zoned. The ones who never made it past the first date. Whether it's because they wore chinos and a blazer to an East End boozer, or because they took you to a restaurant that didn't have cranberry juice or straws. They never got a second chance. 

The most recent example is when I saw this fella who wore the clothes mentioned above and had the chronic burps. He did it politely but we could all smell it. Poor bastard. 

And of course the ones who will never get a first date because they support Man Utd and love to gloat about it over Whatsapp knowing that you're from Liverpool. Keep trying babe but it's never going to happen.  

No comments:

Post a Comment